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Title: What If
Series: 너를 기억해 / Hello Monster
Characters: Lee Min, mentions of Cha Jian, Lee Hyeon
Summary: How could things have worked out if their lives had been different?
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For quite some time, he hated her a lot. For being Hyeon's special person. For getting half of the affections from his brother that should have been his alone. And how many times, he wished she would just die so that he could have his brother all to himself.
Like her, he's been watching his brother for some time. Even though he suppose, Cha Jian had been watching his brother much longer than he have. Despite that, he hated the fact that his brother only noticed her more than him.
He really hated her. Even now perhaps, because he knew the reason that his brother decided to finally leave him was because of her. But that, he had always been aware of it. About the fact that his brother would leave him; choosing to be with her instead of him.
He was not blind, He could see it very clearly. The many times he caught his brother staring at nothing; missing and longing for her presence and touch. Something that he could not give to his brother. True happiness. Since the only thing he noticed coming from his brother for him this past year was... the expression of worry that was a constant adornment on his brother's face.
Sure, his brother did looked happy to see that he was alive. But that was it. Aside from that and constantly being worried about him, all Hyeon ever did while staying by his side was being sad.
And he knew the reason for that. Because Hyeon still wanted for him to change. Changing out from that mould that Lee Junyeong has shaped him into. To make him able to understand the concept of morality that Hyeon and Jian tried to teach him in the past. And as much as Hyeon would want to make him change, he knew that his brother would not do it. As in forcing him directly to make that change.
Min stared bitterly towards the documents laying sprawled on his lap. Hyeon's subtle way to get him to choose his path. Continue to hide away but lose the chance to see Hyeon ever again. Or pay for his 'sins' and be allowed to continue being that person's younger brother.
It was quite convenient for his brother to do it like this. Instead of actually telling him directly to make a choice, face to face.
xxx
But suppose, he could not... really hate her? Because despite the things he have done, Cha Jian... tried so hard to reach out to him. Even after he gave her quite a scare by threatening to hurt her many times.
Funny. How at first he wanted her to like him but only to be refused. But when she started to actually take interest of him, he wanted nothing to do with the lady.
He used to wonder if he should have just let her die, when he sent that attacker on her. That way, he could have his brother all to himself. No one else could take his brother's attention away from him. No one else could take his brother away from him.
Min suddenly remembered that day when his brother had collapsed. He remembered the other times his brother had been distraught. His brother was able to cheer up and pick himself back up again because Cha Jian was around. Hyeon was able to smile again whenever he's with Jian. He had eyes. He saw how happy Hyeon was when he's with Jian. Much more compared to when Hyeon was with him, in which the happiness was often marred with a tinge of sorrow. And perhaps guilt.
If he had let Jian die; and Hyeon found out that he was the one that ordered her to be killed, would his brother be able forgive him? Would Hyeon still be able to love him like the old times, or will Hyeon hate him for taking away the woman he loved? His brother did not look like he loved her that much yet at that time, but Hyeon did not seem to hate her either. And if Cha Jian was not around when his brother needed someone by his side, would Hyeon be able to cope with everything else that happened since?
Min recalled the time when Jian held him close. How she tried to explain to him why he needed to atone to his sins. She sounded so worn out that time. It was odd that he only thought about it now; but Jian seemed so much like mother back then.
He sighed.
Choices. Perhaps it was good that he was still allowed to make any? Like that choice he made that night to not have Jian killed horribly. Guess that choice allowed him to have the chance to restart everything.
Because if he had killed Jian, would Hyeon even want to consider accepting him back as a family member now? Would Hyeon even be fine by himself? These two years, Hyeon was able to handle everything because he had Jian to talk his problems with. But if Jian was not around, who would Hyeon have gone to... to talk about his problems? His brother wasn't one to be able to open up to people so easily... all these years of watching his brother from afar told him enough. In that sense, Cha Jian's presence in his brother's life was essential.
Min smiled as he placed the big envelope on the bed before changing out of his hospital garments.
Then, it must be good that he didn't have Jian killed in the end.
Series: 너를 기억해 / Hello Monster
Characters: Lee Min, mentions of Cha Jian, Lee Hyeon
Summary: How could things have worked out if their lives had been different?
-------------
For quite some time, he hated her a lot. For being Hyeon's special person. For getting half of the affections from his brother that should have been his alone. And how many times, he wished she would just die so that he could have his brother all to himself.
Like her, he's been watching his brother for some time. Even though he suppose, Cha Jian had been watching his brother much longer than he have. Despite that, he hated the fact that his brother only noticed her more than him.
He really hated her. Even now perhaps, because he knew the reason that his brother decided to finally leave him was because of her. But that, he had always been aware of it. About the fact that his brother would leave him; choosing to be with her instead of him.
He was not blind, He could see it very clearly. The many times he caught his brother staring at nothing; missing and longing for her presence and touch. Something that he could not give to his brother. True happiness. Since the only thing he noticed coming from his brother for him this past year was... the expression of worry that was a constant adornment on his brother's face.
Sure, his brother did looked happy to see that he was alive. But that was it. Aside from that and constantly being worried about him, all Hyeon ever did while staying by his side was being sad.
And he knew the reason for that. Because Hyeon still wanted for him to change. Changing out from that mould that Lee Junyeong has shaped him into. To make him able to understand the concept of morality that Hyeon and Jian tried to teach him in the past. And as much as Hyeon would want to make him change, he knew that his brother would not do it. As in forcing him directly to make that change.
Min stared bitterly towards the documents laying sprawled on his lap. Hyeon's subtle way to get him to choose his path. Continue to hide away but lose the chance to see Hyeon ever again. Or pay for his 'sins' and be allowed to continue being that person's younger brother.
It was quite convenient for his brother to do it like this. Instead of actually telling him directly to make a choice, face to face.
xxx
But suppose, he could not... really hate her? Because despite the things he have done, Cha Jian... tried so hard to reach out to him. Even after he gave her quite a scare by threatening to hurt her many times.
Funny. How at first he wanted her to like him but only to be refused. But when she started to actually take interest of him, he wanted nothing to do with the lady.
He used to wonder if he should have just let her die, when he sent that attacker on her. That way, he could have his brother all to himself. No one else could take his brother's attention away from him. No one else could take his brother away from him.
Min suddenly remembered that day when his brother had collapsed. He remembered the other times his brother had been distraught. His brother was able to cheer up and pick himself back up again because Cha Jian was around. Hyeon was able to smile again whenever he's with Jian. He had eyes. He saw how happy Hyeon was when he's with Jian. Much more compared to when Hyeon was with him, in which the happiness was often marred with a tinge of sorrow. And perhaps guilt.
If he had let Jian die; and Hyeon found out that he was the one that ordered her to be killed, would his brother be able forgive him? Would Hyeon still be able to love him like the old times, or will Hyeon hate him for taking away the woman he loved? His brother did not look like he loved her that much yet at that time, but Hyeon did not seem to hate her either. And if Cha Jian was not around when his brother needed someone by his side, would Hyeon be able to cope with everything else that happened since?
Min recalled the time when Jian held him close. How she tried to explain to him why he needed to atone to his sins. She sounded so worn out that time. It was odd that he only thought about it now; but Jian seemed so much like mother back then.
He sighed.
Choices. Perhaps it was good that he was still allowed to make any? Like that choice he made that night to not have Jian killed horribly. Guess that choice allowed him to have the chance to restart everything.
Because if he had killed Jian, would Hyeon even want to consider accepting him back as a family member now? Would Hyeon even be fine by himself? These two years, Hyeon was able to handle everything because he had Jian to talk his problems with. But if Jian was not around, who would Hyeon have gone to... to talk about his problems? His brother wasn't one to be able to open up to people so easily... all these years of watching his brother from afar told him enough. In that sense, Cha Jian's presence in his brother's life was essential.
Min smiled as he placed the big envelope on the bed before changing out of his hospital garments.
Then, it must be good that he didn't have Jian killed in the end.
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