honou_no_izumi | Second Life

Title: Second Life
Chapter: 13 - Facing Acheron
Character: Aoi Ryosuke, Ryuzaki Shinji
Fandom: Orthros no Inu
Rating: PG13
Summary: Sometimes, Shinji wondered if he had forgotten how much Ryosuke have grown up...
A/N: Chapter 14 would come in a while... probably. My Ryo muse was alternating between three stories it's not funny. XO
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"—ask you if you can let me see him in person?”

"Are you crazy, Ryosuke? That man had tried to kill you—us—so many times! That explosion at the church, that incident at the dam—that attack at the restaurant, that attempt to kill you—! Why on earth would you want to see him again? Do you have a death wish or something?"

"—I WASN'T ASKING YOU!" Ryosuke exclaimed suddenly as Shinji froze. He remained quiet as he watched his brother looking up towards Nagisa. "Can I? Can you help me?"

Ryosuke's voice seemed a bit strained as he asked again. "I can't?"

Nagisa almost choked as Ryosuke voiced his last words. She knelt down before him and held his hands. She nodded slowly to Shinji's surprise and alarm.

"I'll try. I'm not sure if I can get the permission so soon but I'll try. Don't push yourself too much, okay?" she said as Ryosuke smiled. Shinji felt his heart tugged away violently at how grateful his smile was. And for what? For meeting the person who so wanted to kill him? How should he be feeling about that? How should he be allowed to think about this?

For some reason... suddenly, he did not understand anything anymore...

xxx

He had been so quiet throughout the rest of the day. Ryosuke and Nagisa had been chatting with each other most of the time, before his brother had asked her to accompany him to meet the physiotherapist that would help him regain his strength to walk properly. Shinji had been feeling so awful, that he didn't even bother to comment on that or even tease his brother and Nagisa.

When Nagisa had excused herself to return home, Shinji was left with Ryosuke again and it made him restless. Both of them remained quiet for a while.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

Shinji turned his attention towards his brother as he realised that Ryosuke was looking at him. So, he actually noticed..., thought Shinji as Ryosuke shrugged and turned his glance away.

“I needed to do this. I have to... I don’t want to continue living in fear or being protected forever. I wanted all of this to end—“

“By meeting that madman?” Shinji snapped as he forced Ryosuke to meet his gaze. “Is that how you want to end this? What if that man tries to kill you again once he saw you? Are you going to let him do it? Do you have this desire to be killed now since you kept escaping death so often? Do you feel like wanting to be reckless with your life now?”

“It’s not like that! I—“

“Then what? Do you think that by doing this it would solve anything? Ryosuke... why? I can’t believe... even Nagisa agreed to this—Ryosuke, can’t you reconsider... haven’t you forgotten what that man had done all these time? To you... to us. I mean... I can’t even—“ Shinji held out his hand to touch Ryosuke’s neck as Ryosuke reacted violently towards it and slapped his hand away.

“Don’t touch me!” Ryosuke tersely exclaimed before realising that he had raised his voice too loudly. He tried to edge away from Shinji as the other man stopped him. Shinji would have nothing of that as he firmly placed his hand on the back of the wheelchair and pushed Ryosuke towards the nearest washroom. Ryosuke didn’t have enough time to react towards such aggression before he was sitting face to face with a mirror inside one of the washrooms.

Ryosuke turned his glance away from his reflections before Shinji forced him to look. He kept his eyes closed as he could feel his brother’s breath on his right ear.

“Ryosuke, open your eyes. Please.”

Ryosuke shook his head, refusing to look as he knew what Shinji wanted him to see. The bruises on his neck. He had by all of his efforts, avoided looking at his reflection in the mirror. Ever since that first time when he did see it. That was another reason on why he had asked for the nurse attending to him to put a bandage on his neck, but lately... he didn’t ever bothered about it. Shinji had said before that the bruises were almost faded completely. Not that would convince him to stare at his reflections. Almost faded did not mean that it was gone fully.

Even if he had been unconscious at that time when it happened, didn’t mean that he wouldn’t remember. There was that possibility that his body will remember and he didn’t want to have the supposed image visualized in his mind.

But the pressure holding his head in place had not let up as Ryosuke reluctantly opened his eyes. At that moment, he saw it. His reflection on the mirror. True enough, the bruises on his neck had faded a lot since the last time he had seen it but still he was uncomfortable having to see it. He noticed that his complexion had improved tremendously and that he at least looked healthier compared to few days ago but with that faded bruise on his neck, he looked like some kind of DV victim!

Ryosuke turned his face away from the mirror as Shinji finally released him. At once, he wheeled himself out of the washroom as he could hear his brother following behind him quietly. When both of them had entered the elevator to return to Ryosuke’s room, Shinji finally spoke.

“So now, would you understand your situation? That person’s wanting to kill you is not just a joke, he really mean it. And you’re not in any condition—Ryosuke, I was there beside you when you had those nightmares and panic attacks! If you meet him now—in your condition right now—“

“Then how long should I stay like this? Even after I recovered my health and able to resume my life, if I did not resolve this matter once and for all—what did that give me in return?”

Ryosuke turned towards his brother. “I’ll take my chance. It’s either I overcome this unexplained fears myself or let it take over. I just wished that you’d understand my feelings.”

Shinji remained silent as the elevator bell rang and the door opened towards the floor Ryosuke’s hospital room was situated. Without a word, Ryosuke wheeled himself out of the elevator before Shinji slowly followed him from behind. When he reached the room, a part of him ached as he watched Ryosuke struggling to heave himself onto his bed.

Ryosuke had managed to stand up long enough to cling towards the bedside; the problem now would be getting on the bed.

Shinji hurriedly caught Ryosuke just as his legs were about to give out. He noticed the loathing look Ryosuke had given as he helped him into the bed. Shinji sighed.

“You’re never a burden to me.”

“I didn’t say that!” Ryosuke snapped, his voice started to sound whiny. Probably because he was already tired out due to the emotions he had been building up inside. Shinji smiled.

“You didn’t say it out loud but I know you must be feeling like that inside. I don’t just stand by your side and not looking, you know.”

Ryosuke leered at him without a saying anything.

“I guess I am to be blamed as well. Perhaps because I was so scared to lose you again, that I get so overprotective... that even you would feel suffocating over it. We never really did talk properly about what happened last year, didn’t we?”

“How could that be if you had been hiding out all these time?”

Shinji shrugged. He could detect some sort of hurt coming from that last statement as he sighed. Well, he had no one to blame but himself. He never thought about it much after that day at the dam. That time, aside from the fact Ryo had been crying openly at him as to why he had tried to make him hate him and kill him, Ryosuke hadn’t even mention about how much hurt had he bore when he had forced him to use his powers to kill. Not like he himself hadn’t thought about it, it’s just something that had slipped his mind. Because despite all that, Ryosuke hadn’t hated his guts for doing what he did. Aside from the first dead boy that Ryosuke had killed to save Nagisa and—if the detective really told the truth—that officer that Sawamura had sent to make Ryo used his powers on the guy, he had indeed forced Ryosuke against his will to make the choice to kill. Even if the two men were no good anyway, it didn’t absolve him from the guilt. It might be a bit late now to realize, what kind of emotional turmoil Ryosuke had faced during those times.

Shinji couldn’t even start to imagine... aside from that pained expression of his that he used to see. He had been such a bully, hadn’t he? It was almost similar as to how Ninomiya had stabbed his friends and he didn't heal them thus killing them in the process. Even if Ninomiya was the actual perpetrator, because he did not succumb to his threats... his friends had died as the price. It's as much his fault as was Ninomiya's. If he had not befriended those three and remained with them after they had left the orphanage, Ninomiya would not have thought to use them against him. Similarly, if not because of his lies and coaxing... Ryosuke wouldn't have had to kill anyone. The first death had been a sudden decision to save another's life. The last had been more of self-defence. But the two deaths in between, had been because he had cornered Ryosuke so tightly... that he had been pushed to kill. Even if he had saved those children's lives in return wouldn't make any difference.

Ryosuke glanced back towards Shinji as he was puzzled by the unexpected silence. More so on the unexpected apology that came after.

“Idiot. The period of validity for that kind of thing is already over long time ago. Expired. You should have offered that apology last year when I had been wallowing in sorrow over your supposed death.”

Ryosuke was pouting now as Shinji smiled, his childish brother had returned. Perhaps he was being too harsh on him. Shinji draped his arm around his brother’s shoulders.

“I guess I had to trust you on this... but don’t force yourself too much eh?” As he said it, he suddenly recalled a similar talk that he had heard earlier as he chuckled. “So this time, I lose out against that girlfriend of yours, eh? Nagisa seemed to understand your intentions clearly enough...”

“Cut it out, can you?” cried Ryosuke aloud as Shinji laughed again.