Title: Goodbyes: The Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who (2005)
Rating: G
Character: Tenth Doctor, Wilfred Noble, mentions of Davros, past companions
Summary: End of Time. Realising that his life was about to reach another end, the Doctor decided that he needed to take a look at the things he had done, as well as said his proper goodbyes to the ones that mattered.

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"The man who abhors violence, never carrying a gun, but this is the truth, Doctor: you take ordinary people and you fashion them into weapons... behold your Children of Time, transformed into murderers."

It was an odd recollection to recall at times like this. Then again, it was only a few minutes ago that he almost felt a burst of indescribable rage towards Wilfred Noble for stupidly entering the isolation chamber where it was unlikely for him to escape unscathed.

And indirectly... led him into a path of destruction. He would still die today. Wilfred Noble would be the death of him... the death of his tenth incarnation...

The Doctor hastily shook his head. No... it was not Wilf's fault. It had been an honour—no, it was an honour—to sacrifice his life for someone like Wilf. Wilf, like the many companions he had in the past; was as important as the most closest people in his heart. His family. It did not matter who would have been inside that chamber—no matter who they are, he would have risked his own life all the same. Just to save them. No matter who they are; Susan, Rose, Donna, Martha, Mickey, Sarah-Jane, the many other companions he had in his past incarnations... Jack—oh, even Jack. No matter who they are... if he could have just save them, he would not mind laying his life down for them.

Yet... a part inside him still felt bitter.

He recalled the time Harriet Jones had called on Torchwood to shoot down the Sycorax ship, when he found out the real reason that organization was created. He recalled Queen Victoria. And he still remembered how he had felt when he found out that Jack ended up leading Torchwood as its head. He recalled Martha trying to threaten Davros and the Supreme Dalek to back off using the Osterhagen Key, back during that time when Earth and the twenty-six other planets were stolen. The horror he felt when he realized what kind of monstrosity had been built by humans without his knowing. And most of the people who had taken arms were the ones he have met in this incarnation, as well as the one before...

"Doctor? Doctor...? Are you all right?"

He looked up to see the old man watching him with worry. The Doctor smiled weakly.

Ah, silly him. In an attempt to try divert his mind from the pain welling inside his body, his mind had wandered off towards the darker recesses of his mind. He shook his head. No, he should not let these bitter thoughts to remain inside of him. If he was to die, he would not allow this bitterness inside his heart to manifest itself into his next incarnation as well.

Perhaps because in this current incarnation, he had more companions—knew more people—who ended up influencing his life and sacrificing a lot for his sake; doing many good and bad and many other things in between, that it became a bit hard for him to let go. Coupled with his many past memories of his past other selves... yes, he had lived too long.

Despite the things some of his former companions had done... certainly they have done something good as well? Sarah-Jane for example, she had continued fighting and protecting everyone even after they have parted ways. And Jack, he did say that he had rebuilt Torchwood anew... with the intention of supporting him—instead of its original purpose. Also, these past years... Torchwood had done a lot of good, protecting the Earth in his absence. Despite the losses, Jack really did himself well. Martha had also did her best—there was a reason on why he had recommended her to UNIT. Not forgetting Harriet Jones, despite what happened between them... she did not turned out so bad either. Without her, they would not have succeeded in recovering Earth and the other planets during that time. And Martha did tell him before they last parted that Harriet told Martha to not use the Osterhagen key, meaning that perhaps finally that former prime minister understood his ideals and thinking. That using aggressiveness was not the way to solve things...

Despite some of the bad choices he and his former companions have made, there were still many good things that they have achieved. Right?

The Doctor coughed as he tried to mask his true feelings in order to not draw Wilf's concern towards him. Yet, as he tried to focus on taking the TARDIS towards the Noble's residence... he felt Wilfred's arm, wrapping his body in a half hug. He cried a little bit... before holding it back in.

"It's not fair!"

Perhaps in this current incarnation, he had tried too hard to take the full burden of the sins, his guilts... and everything that had happened since that first time he had ran off with the TARDIS. Perhaps that was why he felt mostly reluctant to continue on living like this. Or that he was reluctant to let go of his former companions—he rarely actually looked up on the former companions before this life after he left them; spare Sarah-Jane but that was mostly because he met Sarah-Jane again by coincidence, Rose and Jack were another matter—it was a bit trying to try reconnect again with different faces and personalities...

Not all of his past companions had ended out well after meeting him. While some still did some good, having their lives changed after meeting him; some... had lost their lives directly and indirectly because of him. And like Donna, some of them continued to live... and died, no longer remembering him. Perhaps...

He knew that he should not have blamed himself too much, yet he did felt like he should. Sometimes, things were just meant to happen that way. Same as the way his current incarnation would end soon. Sometimes he could accept that happening, sometimes he could not.

Perhaps he needed to let everything go... start things anew. Even though yes, he was afraid... at some point if he had wanted to die or not, he was still not sure what his feelings was about this.

And regenerating was a nasty business—still is—doing it over and over again would never feel all right. Especially with the current him... the many burden he had carried, how much energy and backlash would have been released this time?

He did not speak much after sending Wilf back, partially because he felt awkward seeing Sylvia's sudden friendly manner... as well as to avoid meeting Donna again. Yet...

"...Where are you going?"

To get my reward...
, he said to the old man, before closing the TARDIS door behind him. Even as he started the TARDIS to leave the place... he wondered what actually was the reward he looked for?

The Doctor closed his eyes as he tried to estimate the amount of time he could set aside the pain inside his body from his mind until the point it would be so unbearable that he could not stall his regeneration process any longer. Not much time. He sighed.

Perhaps he could do what usually happens to humans when they were about to die. People always say that their whole life would start to flash before them just moments before their deaths. Perhaps he should go back looking for his past companions. To see how meeting him have changed and affected their lives, to give the next him a new perspective on how they would continue this ridiculously long lifespan of a Time Lord. Or maybe to just see them one more time.

A different way to continue carrying on their burden of the past. To regain back his hope and faith on the things that he have done...

Yes, he would do that. That would be his reward. His legacy. That aside, it should not hurt for him to—kind of—say his goodbyes to all of his companions. Not just the ones that he had known during this incarnation. He owed so many people of that, he was never so good with goodbyes after all... and often skipped out from doing it.

Even though, tracking down every single companions he had ever had—that were still alive, then again he had a bloody Time Machine who cares about that? But he did need to be careful about avoiding from meeting his past selves—might prove a bit tricky at the moment, he thought as he stared at the TARDIS's records. He would need to be careful with his time, there were a lot of places to cover...

.

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