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Title: Five Times and Once
Series: 쓸쓸하고 찬란하神 - 도깨비/Guardian: The Lonely and Great God
Characters: Wang Weo, Kim Shin, Kim Seon
Summary: Five times Wang Yeo failed to convey his true feelings and one time he did. Between fear and concern covered in dishonesty... and honesty, slipping out from the subconscious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
He forgot when was it that he found out about the poisonous decoction, but it was during the time after his older brother's death that he ended up realizing it. Before that, he always thought that his father's; and later his brother's death, were due to some kind of illness that the royal family members seemed to inherit. His father died before he could even remember anything about the man. And his older brother was barely a father figure to him compared to his tutor. Even then he barely knew anything about his older brother despite the fact that they were related.
As he grew older, he often wondered how could it be possible for anyone to have poisoned the previous kings. Certainly, such feats would be impossible for any ordinary person to accomplish.
But then he started to notice things.
How at times when he was younger; during the times he had attempted many times to catch the attention of his older brother, that a certain decoction was often served to the previous king by one of the palace maids. And he started to recall... how his older brother—and even his own mother—kept becoming sicker despite the supposed efforts to help them recover.
His tutor often denied the usage of a poisonous decoction, insisting that any of the past decoction that has been served to the royal members of his family were medicinal instead. And meant to help his predecessors regain their strengths. The more he tried to argue the possibility of treachery inside his own palace, the more his words were put down as baseless paranoia.
So he pretended that he believed the claims and dropped it. Until he caught wind of palace maids being sent to serve his queen some medicinal decoction.
He ended up rushing to the queen's quarters and spilling the decoction, ordering that no one should provide any more of such things to his queen without his consent. His actions and orders have been harsh. And he could see how his actions have alarmed his queen but there was no other way. This was the only way he could protect his queen.
His only wish would be that his queen would understand.
(...even when she probably wouldn't.)
xxx
His tutor and advisor Park Jungheon had started to show some interest in his brother-in-law, Kim Shin... somehow. It has started ever since he was engaged to Kim Shin's sister, Kim Seon.
A part of him was concerned about the interest Advisor Park had against Kim Shin. Because should anything happen to the man, certainly it would alarm the queen. So he decreed that Kim Shin should be sent to guard the borders. He'd sent his brother-in-law far away from the capital, from him and his queen, so that whoever it was that has ill intention towards Kim Shin would lay their hands away from the man.
He'd hope that the man would stay afar and remain discreet but time by time news from the border returned to the capital, bringing news of Kim Shin's glory. Rather than remaining anonymous, his brother-in-law kept achieving more merits and that was troublesome.
(...because for sure, there would be people who'd grow weary of Kim Shin's growing influence.)
And of course, Kim Shin's frequent message to him would always be about the same thing. Whether or not his men and himself could finally return home...
xxx
"I bestow the sword upon you with rage and concern. Go as far as you can, and if possible, do not return."
"Notify me of your death, and I shall notify you of my sorrow."
A part of him wished that Kim Shin, his brother-in-law would heed his words this time and leave this land of Goryeo as far as possible. He wished that the older man would understand his true intention for doing this and stayed as far as possible and remained hidden.
He thought that he'd stressed it enough; once Kim Shin raised the point about how his sister, as well as his family, were still living at the capital. He thought he had hinted enough of the possible harm those people might be afflicted with, should Kim Shin not heed his words.
Alas, the general never listened and continued doing his duty towards his country.
(this wouldn't do. this would only give the enemies more reason to want to cause harm to Kim Shin's clan. but would anyone listen to him?)
xxx
He'd rushed over towards the Queen's chamber when he heard about it. His Queen had a clash with Park Jungheon not too long earlier. No doubt it's related to the recent decision he ended up making due to the pressure asserted to him by Minister Park and his cronies.
And he was hoping that Queen Seon wouldn't find out about this.
He barged in almost unceremoniously inside her chamber to find her standing in wait, her royal hanbok being mostly white. She hardly even worn any of the jewellery that has been bestowed to her. Looking at her like this, the queen looked as if she's already in mourning. And he told her just that. Somehow, she made him so incensed. Why wouldn't she listen to him? Why wouldn't she try to be supportive of him? Why must she be so stubborn?
Like brother, like sister...
Somehow he wondered if his Queen ever loved him.
"Have you ever been on my side? Even once, have I ever been on your mind?"
"Even once, have you ever loved me?
"Don't stand by his side. That... is the only way you can stay alive."
Not sure if it was from his own anxiousness, insecurities... or even fear, he suddenly felt an alarming sense of urgency to keep her safe. Even at the expense of her own brother.
People have been whispering after all. Of the fact how the Queen refused to adorn herself with pieces of jewellery or fine silk dresses even. Some errant ministers even had the audacity to question her loyalty in front of him!
"You must choose."
"Whether you live as my woman... or die as the sister of a traitor."
With the growing attempts to pin Kim Shin into becoming a traitor, there was no doubt as to what comes next. So he forcefully shoved a jade ring through her finger. But that apparently was a wrong move. His queen's eyes started to well in tears. Yet there was no way for him to take back what he did. Sudden desperation overwhelmed him. He just wished Seon would just tell him that she'll stand by his side.
Even if it meant abandoning her brother.
"The woman who loved you... is the sister of a traitor."
(in the end... was there anyone ever on his side?)
xxx
Just drop the sword... and surrender. Better yet, turn around and flee. Leave this country, and him and the queen and forget about them!
Is that too much to ask? Did Kim Shin keep wanting to return to this country and him out of some kind of misguided loyalty? But if so, that shouldn't make any sense!
In an attempt to make Kim Shin leave, he had forced himself to behave like a tyrant king in order to cut his ties with the man. He wanted Kim Shin to no longer find any worth in him to keep serving this kingdom of Goryeo. So that the man would not think twice about leaving.
So why did Kim Shin do this? How dare he disobey me!
The man has stepped inside the courtyard and towards the stairs. He'd hoped that the queen would say something to convince the man to change his mind.
But no, Kim Shin didn't stop and the archers aimed towards the queen.
He wanted to rush over to her side. Yet his body couldn't move. He wanted to shout out telling Kim Shin to back off, yet the words that came out was taunting as he ordered for the rest of the Kim clan members to be brought out.
And then Kim Shin stopped and he had to see the man die in front of him. Alongside his queen.
So he left.
(why didn't he listen? he should've disappeared and never return! then he and Seon could've still lived!)
xxx
"...I did not want you to die."
He'd reason it was because it would be so dull if the Goblin was to disappear on him. Why else would he want to keep the Goblin around him then? That annoying, timid Goblin. Who used to constantly disturb his sleep and cause countless problems at his workplace? THAT Goblin?
Regardless, not wanting Kim Shin to die had been his one earnest wish.
It was something he never really quite understand. Why was it that he didn't want Kim Shin to die? The real reason... behind that one desire...
...he only fully understood it, when all of his memories returned.
"Forgive me. Finally, I'm able to inform you of my brave death."
[Notify me of your death, and I shall notify you of my sorrow.]
The tears came down in a flurry of storms. The heartache thrummed so rapidly he thought that it might burst any second. It was sorrow like no other that he felt before.
It hurt so much to see the man in front of him dying. It hurt so much to recall all of the memories that he had with the man before him. It hurt so much to see it happening while he's unable to move to stop it.
It hurts!
(and the Grim Reaper weeps and weeps again...)
Series: 쓸쓸하고 찬란하神 - 도깨비/Guardian: The Lonely and Great God
Characters: Wang Weo, Kim Shin, Kim Seon
Summary: Five times Wang Yeo failed to convey his true feelings and one time he did. Between fear and concern covered in dishonesty... and honesty, slipping out from the subconscious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
He forgot when was it that he found out about the poisonous decoction, but it was during the time after his older brother's death that he ended up realizing it. Before that, he always thought that his father's; and later his brother's death, were due to some kind of illness that the royal family members seemed to inherit. His father died before he could even remember anything about the man. And his older brother was barely a father figure to him compared to his tutor. Even then he barely knew anything about his older brother despite the fact that they were related.
As he grew older, he often wondered how could it be possible for anyone to have poisoned the previous kings. Certainly, such feats would be impossible for any ordinary person to accomplish.
But then he started to notice things.
How at times when he was younger; during the times he had attempted many times to catch the attention of his older brother, that a certain decoction was often served to the previous king by one of the palace maids. And he started to recall... how his older brother—and even his own mother—kept becoming sicker despite the supposed efforts to help them recover.
His tutor often denied the usage of a poisonous decoction, insisting that any of the past decoction that has been served to the royal members of his family were medicinal instead. And meant to help his predecessors regain their strengths. The more he tried to argue the possibility of treachery inside his own palace, the more his words were put down as baseless paranoia.
So he pretended that he believed the claims and dropped it. Until he caught wind of palace maids being sent to serve his queen some medicinal decoction.
He ended up rushing to the queen's quarters and spilling the decoction, ordering that no one should provide any more of such things to his queen without his consent. His actions and orders have been harsh. And he could see how his actions have alarmed his queen but there was no other way. This was the only way he could protect his queen.
His only wish would be that his queen would understand.
(...even when she probably wouldn't.)
xxx
His tutor and advisor Park Jungheon had started to show some interest in his brother-in-law, Kim Shin... somehow. It has started ever since he was engaged to Kim Shin's sister, Kim Seon.
A part of him was concerned about the interest Advisor Park had against Kim Shin. Because should anything happen to the man, certainly it would alarm the queen. So he decreed that Kim Shin should be sent to guard the borders. He'd sent his brother-in-law far away from the capital, from him and his queen, so that whoever it was that has ill intention towards Kim Shin would lay their hands away from the man.
He'd hope that the man would stay afar and remain discreet but time by time news from the border returned to the capital, bringing news of Kim Shin's glory. Rather than remaining anonymous, his brother-in-law kept achieving more merits and that was troublesome.
(...because for sure, there would be people who'd grow weary of Kim Shin's growing influence.)
And of course, Kim Shin's frequent message to him would always be about the same thing. Whether or not his men and himself could finally return home...
xxx
"I bestow the sword upon you with rage and concern. Go as far as you can, and if possible, do not return."
"Notify me of your death, and I shall notify you of my sorrow."
A part of him wished that Kim Shin, his brother-in-law would heed his words this time and leave this land of Goryeo as far as possible. He wished that the older man would understand his true intention for doing this and stayed as far as possible and remained hidden.
He thought that he'd stressed it enough; once Kim Shin raised the point about how his sister, as well as his family, were still living at the capital. He thought he had hinted enough of the possible harm those people might be afflicted with, should Kim Shin not heed his words.
Alas, the general never listened and continued doing his duty towards his country.
(this wouldn't do. this would only give the enemies more reason to want to cause harm to Kim Shin's clan. but would anyone listen to him?)
xxx
He'd rushed over towards the Queen's chamber when he heard about it. His Queen had a clash with Park Jungheon not too long earlier. No doubt it's related to the recent decision he ended up making due to the pressure asserted to him by Minister Park and his cronies.
And he was hoping that Queen Seon wouldn't find out about this.
He barged in almost unceremoniously inside her chamber to find her standing in wait, her royal hanbok being mostly white. She hardly even worn any of the jewellery that has been bestowed to her. Looking at her like this, the queen looked as if she's already in mourning. And he told her just that. Somehow, she made him so incensed. Why wouldn't she listen to him? Why wouldn't she try to be supportive of him? Why must she be so stubborn?
Like brother, like sister...
Somehow he wondered if his Queen ever loved him.
"Have you ever been on my side? Even once, have I ever been on your mind?"
"Even once, have you ever loved me?
"Don't stand by his side. That... is the only way you can stay alive."
Not sure if it was from his own anxiousness, insecurities... or even fear, he suddenly felt an alarming sense of urgency to keep her safe. Even at the expense of her own brother.
People have been whispering after all. Of the fact how the Queen refused to adorn herself with pieces of jewellery or fine silk dresses even. Some errant ministers even had the audacity to question her loyalty in front of him!
"You must choose."
"Whether you live as my woman... or die as the sister of a traitor."
With the growing attempts to pin Kim Shin into becoming a traitor, there was no doubt as to what comes next. So he forcefully shoved a jade ring through her finger. But that apparently was a wrong move. His queen's eyes started to well in tears. Yet there was no way for him to take back what he did. Sudden desperation overwhelmed him. He just wished Seon would just tell him that she'll stand by his side.
Even if it meant abandoning her brother.
"The woman who loved you... is the sister of a traitor."
(in the end... was there anyone ever on his side?)
xxx
Just drop the sword... and surrender. Better yet, turn around and flee. Leave this country, and him and the queen and forget about them!
Is that too much to ask? Did Kim Shin keep wanting to return to this country and him out of some kind of misguided loyalty? But if so, that shouldn't make any sense!
In an attempt to make Kim Shin leave, he had forced himself to behave like a tyrant king in order to cut his ties with the man. He wanted Kim Shin to no longer find any worth in him to keep serving this kingdom of Goryeo. So that the man would not think twice about leaving.
So why did Kim Shin do this? How dare he disobey me!
The man has stepped inside the courtyard and towards the stairs. He'd hoped that the queen would say something to convince the man to change his mind.
But no, Kim Shin didn't stop and the archers aimed towards the queen.
He wanted to rush over to her side. Yet his body couldn't move. He wanted to shout out telling Kim Shin to back off, yet the words that came out was taunting as he ordered for the rest of the Kim clan members to be brought out.
And then Kim Shin stopped and he had to see the man die in front of him. Alongside his queen.
So he left.
(why didn't he listen? he should've disappeared and never return! then he and Seon could've still lived!)
xxx
"...I did not want you to die."
He'd reason it was because it would be so dull if the Goblin was to disappear on him. Why else would he want to keep the Goblin around him then? That annoying, timid Goblin. Who used to constantly disturb his sleep and cause countless problems at his workplace? THAT Goblin?
Regardless, not wanting Kim Shin to die had been his one earnest wish.
It was something he never really quite understand. Why was it that he didn't want Kim Shin to die? The real reason... behind that one desire...
...he only fully understood it, when all of his memories returned.
"Forgive me. Finally, I'm able to inform you of my brave death."
[Notify me of your death, and I shall notify you of my sorrow.]
The tears came down in a flurry of storms. The heartache thrummed so rapidly he thought that it might burst any second. It was sorrow like no other that he felt before.
It hurt so much to see the man in front of him dying. It hurt so much to recall all of the memories that he had with the man before him. It hurt so much to see it happening while he's unable to move to stop it.
It hurts!
(and the Grim Reaper weeps and weeps again...)
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